Red Hair, Don't Care
I change my hair often, yall know that. But this was probably my favorite hair change this year.




Mentee Graduation
My first group of mentees from my fellowship on campus graduated. I cried, laughed, & toasted their achievements. I'm so proud of them!




Miami
Miami won the championship. No further explanation needed. #WhoMad? #TeamHEAT




Photo Shoots
This was the year of photo shoots. These are some of my favorite shots:

 








Friends Visiting
I was so excited to see some familiar faces from home this year. Catrina, Gavin, & Lacey, thank you so much for making my heart smile :)






Encounters & Crossings
This has been my favorite blog post to date. It really was a reflective moment into my life. I did some serious soul-searching. I feel like I traveled a journey from the little girl on the left to that grown woman on the right to understand why I have found myself in the position I'm in today. The best part is that Natalie Zemon Davis (who this was inspired by) actually read my post! She sent me an email & told me that she thought my writing was beautiful. I was absolutely floored. It was such an honor.




HGSA
I did not expect to be nominated for Vice President, let alone elected. But, I've had a blast. I've gotten close to so many people in my program because of the History Graduate Student Association.

DC! 

This was my first time on a plane. EVER. It was absolutely exhilarating! I had such an awesome time with the Acosta's. Here are some of my favorite photos from that trip. Thanks Rachel (and baby Naomi!) for showing me around the city & hosting me. Love you so much!








Key & Peele
So...yall already know how much I absolutely adore this show. This year, I did a blog post in honor of them, we participated in their fan remix competition (see the video here), and I even dressed as one of their characters for Halloween. But the real honor has been getting to know them. They really are great guys. I've gotten particularly close to Keegan. We talk pretty often on Twitter and I got the chance to meet him in December. He's just an all-around great person. We had deep conversations, laughed a lot, and he gives some of the best hugs in the world. He also gave me some awesome book suggestions to help me focus on finishing my work. Of course, I'd be the one to meet Keegan & get homework. Go figure. Lol.

Musicals
A high school dream finally became reality this year. I got to see WICKED and I cried during Defying Gravity. It was amazing. I also saw The Book of Mormon which totally rocked my socks off!

Images & Perceptions
Okay...so, this was an absolutely breathtaking experience. I learned about this diversity conference called "Images & Perceptions" via Facebook and it sounded awesome. I contacted the director, Siham, and asked if she needed volunteers and she seemed excited to have me. 

I had no idea what to expect when I showed up that Friday. I was nervous. I hoped they would like me. I had no idea that by the end of that day, I would have a new family. They welcomed me with open arms. They encouraged me & inspired me. We had awesome conversations, so many laughs, delicious meals. In addition to that, I learned so much about cultures that really aren't prevalent in Arkansas where I grew up. There were so many moments that night that weren't captured on camera (although the photos below are awesome!)...and really, they probably never could be captured. Instead, there was a moment when we were sitting around Saira's sister's living room, cozily chatting & laughing out loud on the various couches & chairs, sipping warm coffee, relaxing after a long, yet wonderful day...I remember looking around & then closing my eyes for a second. I wanted to freeze that moment in time. Take a mental snapshot of the beauty that surrounded me. Siham, Saira, Noha, Liz, Doris, Hassane, Bill, Keegan, Trish, Alex, Linda...thank you. Also, special thanks to Henna, JoAnn, Mark & everyone who hosted us with grace & compassion. You may or may not know my current situation, but you loved me through a very rough patch. I truly love you all so much. I'm glad to have family in Detroit now :)  

Despite the trials of 2013, there are many joys to celebrate, as evidenced here. 

It's amazing to me how they evaluate different levels of blackness in just 48 seconds. This is what makes their comedy so awesome. It goes beyond just being humorous; it actually contemplates societal issues and normative behaviors (in a sometimes exaggerated way lol). Which brings me to the point of this blog post: levels of blackness.

On their show, they've mentioned they often have to "adjust their level of blackness" depending on who they're with. One of my favorite times they've talked about this is in this interview, which I enjoy because the interviewer brings out the humor of this idea when he asks them "what level of black" they were in that moment. Keegan & Jordan of course go on to make it even more hilarious. But, upon reading the comments from that interview, it appeared to me that some viewers were attributing the "adjustment" to them being biracial. And after chatting with some of my colleagues about the show, it got me to thinking..."adjusting your level of blackness" is a real sociological phenomenon.

I think Keegan & Jordan are absolutely right. When you are a minority, in order to penetrate the dominant culture, I feel that it's a constant game of adjusting how "ethnic" you are in any given moment. And in our society, you have to participate in mainstream culture. Whether we like it or not, even if you're protesting against it or attempting some form of pluralism or assimilation, you're still engaging in a central dialogue. And through that engagement, you are a participant.

I've had experience with this myself, as I mentioned, through simple, non-racialized conversations with my colleagues. For example, I remember talking with one of them (who happens to be named A-Aron...if you got the joke, you are my friend lol) a couple of weeks ago and saying, "I'm really glad we're closer now so I can show you my black side." Now, as you all know, I study French history. I'm one of very few African Americans who do so. Because of that, I'm keenly aware of my blackness when I'm with other Europeanists or historians in general. I addressed this in another post. But when I said this, A-Aron replied, "Really? So...what 'Pam' have you been hiding?" That question really struck me. It's not that I've been hiding per se. Instead, I would posit that in my experience, I have been seen as the example for my race in many instances where I've been the only black person in the room at a history conference, in a class, in a restaurant, or whatever. When it becomes painfully obvious that you are "different," you feel the weight of representation. You are put on display as an exhibit that encompasses the entire African American race. And in those situations, I have felt the need to be overly articulate, overly graceful, overly respectful. (Side note: I actually had a guy say to me one time, "You're great...if all black people were like you, I'd love 'em a lot more." Needless to say, me and that guy don't talk anymore.)

Also, I must say that I don't believe it stops at "blackness." I think it applies to all minorities. That title in and of itself implies a sort of "apart-ness," which makes you cognizant of the fact that you are an "other." And if you are an "other," then there must be some sort of authority that lies at the opposite end of the spectrum. Hence, the majority, the dominant culture. And that culture often may objectify or exoticize your "other-ness."

Now, I'm not arguing that we should leave it at that or accept "othering." That's ridiculous. But I am saying that Key & Peele are making a very valid point about what it means to be a minority in America. Adjusting your level of ethnicity is an actuality for people who are on the periphery of dominance.

I'll stop there because I don't want to make this post too much longer, but please share your thoughts. If you want to see some more really popular Key & Peele sketches, I'd recommend the substitute teacher, Obama's anger translator, or one of my personal favorites, this ultimate fighting match promo.

I'd like to leave you with one of my all-time favorite Key & Peele sketches. This has nothing to do with race, but it's just one of those clips that makes me cry from laughing so hard lol. Enjoy!



_________________________________________
I'm sure there are plenty of sociological studies that discuss "othering" but, since I'm a historian, I don't know those sources lol. The works that I would recommend if you're interested in this historiography would be Edward Said's "Orientalism" or Tim Mitchell's "Colonising Egypt." The former will most likely be the better option for you because it takes more of a sociological approach whereas with Mitchell, outside of the first chapter, you may get lost if you have no background in African history. You've been warned lol.

I love my job very much. As most of you know, I work for a church here in Chicago. A wonderful, life-giving, open & affirming, loving church called Saint Pauls United Church of Christ. Unfortunately, this wonderful place has often been taken advantage of. We've had things stolen, people have been accosted for money...sad, disturbing things have happened. And today was one of those days.

Around 11:45, the doorbell rang and I pressed the button to let the person inside. Here, we have an open door policy. Generally that's a good thing. Sometimes it's not. Today it was the latter.

A young rather disheveled looking gentleman came up to the office and preceded to tell me that someone here at the church had stolen his bag. Since I knew the person he thought stole it, I disregarded the story internally. He went on to ask if I had a bag I could give him, a backpack or a carrier bag in particular. I apologized to the young man, but told him that we don't have any bags here (which is true). He thanked me and walked out of the office. I (wrongfully) assumed he left the building. Instead, he went downstairs and stole one of my co-workers backpacks, with all of his identification, his passport, his cds, and radio.

My heart was broken when my co-worker realized that his things were gone. On one hand, I felt so bad because this particular co-worker is from Mexico and would have to get in contact with the Mexican consulate to get new identification and passport, which I'm sure is a pain. But even more than that, I was so hurt that people take advantage of wonderful, compassionate places such as this. I won't go through the long list of thefts that we have had in the last year. Just know there are many things missing. But, yet, our hearts are still open and our doors are as well.

"Why? Why do people do bad things? And why do we have to be concerned with who we open the door for? It sucks that we have to care who's coming in the door at our church, but we do." In this childlike way, I asked our senior pastor and one of our associate pastors these questions after we realized a theft had taken place. 

Right then and there, the two of them became my spiritual counselors for a moment. And the best thing they said to me was that we needed moments like this, for things like this to happen, to remind us why we need Jesus. And also to be confronted with our own sinfulness. Rather than disassociate myself with the person who robbed us and label him as one of the "people who suck," I should look at him as a brother. After all, we, meaning all of mankind, are born into the same sin. I can see a reflection of myself in the desperate actions of this young man. While I may not literally behave the same way as him, I can certainly see the figurative ways in which I am no greater and no less than he.

But also our senior pastor, Pastor Matt, reminded me that in realizing we need Jesus, we have to accept that we can't be Jesus. While our doors are open figuratively, we may have to change our literal policy. We may have to screen who comes through our doors when a young woman finds herself alone in the office with a thief, as I did today. And it sucks. It sucks that I need to be cautious, wary of who comes into the building. It feels un-Christian to screen who comes through the door. Yet we have to. We have to because the world, ourselves included, needs Jesus. In this way, I was confronted with my own humanity today. With all of its joys and sins, sorrows and happiness. 

I apologize if this post seems incoherent. I just needed to get my thoughts out in an honest, open way. I titled this post "Loving People Who Suck" but I hope from my words, you can gather that I really mean "Loving Ourselves." 

I'll end with a quote from one of our pastors. We had a rummage sale here at the church recently. After the sale, we keep the rummage open for folks experiencing homelessness to shop for free. Pastor Matt had a great moment with a guy who was standing in line. I love this story. I hope it inspires you:

Prior to updating you on my shenanigans, I should tell you where my heart is for this post. When I was approached by The Lakefront Historian to cross-publish "Encounters and Crossings: The Ambiguity of African American Identity," I must admit that I was hesitant. I certainly wasn't insecure about my work,  but I was skeptical because my blog would be cited as the source. I remember thinking, who reads The Lakefront Historian? Probably historians. What would they think if they clicked on The Scholarly Woman and saw posts about fashion, movies, religion, weight loss, etc. along with history? I panicked temporarily. But, then I checked myself. Why? Why should I try and conceal that outside of the field of history, I pursue several other passions? I'm grateful because that temporary moment of panic inspired this post.

Who is The Scholarly Woman?

That's such a broad question. But, after the buzz around my sociological reflection, it's one that I feel I must answer. However, I won't "give the kid the candy too quickly" as my pastor says. Instead of giving a direct reply, I'd like to respond by saying what this blog is not.

1) This isn't a history/academic blog.
2) This isn't a fashion blog.
3) This isn't a graduate student blog.
4) This isn't a movie review blog.
5) This isn't a weight loss blog.
6) This isn't a political blog.
7) This isn't a religious blog.
8) This isn't a lifestyle blog.
9) This isn't a music blog.
10) This isn't a communications blog.

When I say what this blog is not, I would like for you to consider that it is, in fact, all of these things. Confusing, right? Allow me to clarify.

If you read my very first post, "Untitled Shenanigans" you see that this blog was never intended to be streamlined. This blog is a reflection of me. And to borrow a phrase from pop culture: I can't be tamed. I can't be confined to a box marked, "historian" or "fashionista" or "wife." Even the title of my blog, The Scholarly Woman, suggests the sort of pluralism that shapes my life.  I'm neither solely a "scholar" or "woman." I'm not a fan of binaries. Perhaps I'm a post-structuralist in this way. I believe anything in life can have a multiplicity of meanings (hit me up if you want to have a discussion on post-structuralism/post-modernism, I don't bite).

Therefore, to ask "Who is The Scholarly Woman?" is to ask "Who is Pam?" What are her goals and dreams? What does she want out of life?

I'll stop referring to myself in the third person.

Who am I? Well...I'd like to think I'm many things. I'm a Christian, but I love learning about other religious cultures (for Christianity isn't a finite belief, but rather a fluid set of interpretations that has developed its own culture, in my opinion). I'm a scholar, a graduate student, a French historian. Check out my website if you'd like to see more about what I study. I serve on the exec board for our History Graduate Student Association along with other organizations, including University Senate (I get to hang with the Provost and the President often. No biggie.) Outside of my scholarly work, I serve as a mentor to students who aspire to attend grad school. Specifically, I work with students who are a lot like myself: first generation college student, underrepresented ethnic groups, low income, etc. I work as a Communications Coordinator outside of the university. I love what I do and the multifaceted, unique learning opportunities it has afforded me. Lots of grace in my work place (no pun intended, for those of you who know I work for a church). I love fashion, like, a lot. I also love me some hair! Someone suggested I do a collage of my many different hairstyles, but I don't think I will in case I want to recycle and re-use some of them lol. I'm a singer. I love various genres, but gospel will always have my heart. I love music and musical theater. I really miss the latter, actually. Maybe I'll audition for a musical again someday. Who knows? I also absolutely adore movies. I get so excited when awards season comes around. And yes, like last year, I will be doing an awards season inspired outfit! I've also lost quite a bit of weight, which is exciting. I'm thinking of losing maybe 25 lbs more, but a lot of my friends have discouraged that. And hubby doesn't want me to lose my curves. So, we'll see. I'm also black...not sure if you noticed. Yeah, I'm African American, and that certainly is a major part of who I am. I'd like to think that I'm sort of brooding. I love picking apart notions of race, gender, class, religion, politics, etc. Although, I try not to think too hard about politics because I find it to be...well, depressing honestly.

Basically, the point is, I am many things. There are countless facets to who "Pam" is. I'm not defined by my race, occupation, scholarly ambitions, religion, political beliefs, and other passions. Some people choose to see me as only those things, and that's their prerogative. I believe too many of us shape our identity through other people. I choose to find who I am in the passions I have found in life. Because those passions are numerous, this blog reflects that. In short, no, this blog will likely never be streamlined to only a "history" blog or "racial reflection" blog or "fashion" blog. This is precisely because I hope to never be streamlined. I desire to have bountiful passions throughout my life. While I may be very good at only a few things, I want that youthful curiosity, that questioning, exploring nature to always be a part of who I am and how I lead my life. And, if I get that wish, I will always be outside of any one particular box. We all have the opportunity to cast off restraint and dream bigger than we've ever imagined, to live many lives through our passions and interests. That is one of the infinite beauties of existence. And with that, my friends, you have The Scholarly Woman.

This past semester, I wrote a paper on historian Natalie Zemon Davis entitled, "Encounters and Crossings: The Life and Work of Natalie Zemon Davis." Known for her charming writing style and impressive archival research, Davis has gravitated towards "exposing and bringing to life the histories of those groups often suppressed in traditional historical narratives." She is a historian of early modern France, but more recently her work has taken her outside of Europe. Her life as both a woman and a Jew has been a story of encounters and crossings, a desire to be in the center, while challenging from the periphery. In reminiscing on her time in grade school, she once remarked, "I was very eager to be a good student and to be popular and do all the other things you were supposed to do, but I was Jewish." She went on to say, "I was certainly an outsider." The contradictions of center and periphery have guided Davis throughout her historical career.

Conclusively, no, I'm not here to offer some deep revelation of the African American identity. What does it mean to be African American? I have to admit that I don't have an answer to this conundrum. How do I, myself, personally define it? I'm unsure...I'll save that for major theorists, sociologists, historians and others who like to probe the depths of the human condition. Truthfully, this blog post is more about vulnerability and laying bare my own troubles with my African American identity.  Quite frankly, I don't believe that there is any definitive answer or definition to that identity. Therein lies the ambiguity. It is a peculiar, yet awe-inspiring position to be in. I do know that my own life has (and continues to be so) been a tale of encounters and crossings, of challenges and acceptance, of periphery and center. As a historian, I seek to find others in that same position. Furthermore, I choose to find myself in the pages of history. As Davis put it, "History reveals the possibilities of the past – admirable, troubling, irritating, astonishing – and as such, they encourage us to think about the possibilities in the present and future. For me, the possibility of the past invites a commitment to humanity and offers a ray of hope for the future." 

And, yet, there's a strange wonder and excitement within it all.

Top: H&M

Jeans: Target

Clutch: T.J. Maxx

Heels: Payless

This dress is super sexy and slimming. The color is also very "in trend" right now if you care about that sort of thing. I just love that it's a bodycon dress, so it still gives me the ability to move freely.

Side view!

And here's a little back view for ya!

And, just a little tip, these shoes (although they are wedges) are not very comfortable, so you may want to consider some of these babies right here for the balls of your feet. 

And this is probably my favorite photo from this look. Gotta love a candid shot.

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for Part 3 ♥

This is such a fun, flirty look. It's perfect for an afternoon/early evening date with your significant other. It's sexy enough to keep their attention, yet loose enough for me to have a flowy, fun day!

So, I've been having a blast watching movies so far this year! I mean, not as much as fun as last year when The Avengers came out, but still, so much fun. In an earlier post, I listed movies I want to see this year. Here are the one's I've seen so far:

Gangster Squad

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Jack the Giant Slayer

Oz the Great and Powerful

*Iron Man 3

The Great Gatsby

*Star Trek Into Darkness

Epic

*Fast & Furious 6

*Man of Steel

Movie 43

*The Place Beyond the Pines

Oblivion

*Pain & Gain

*This is the End

*Monsters University

G.I. Joe Retaliation

Now You See Me

The Hangover Part 3

Much Ado About Nothing

White House Down

Despicable Me 2

Pacific Rim

Red 2

The Wolverine

2 Guns

Prisoners

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2

Thor: The Dark World

Only God Forgives

The Lone Ranger

The Best Man Holiday

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Anchorman: The Legend Continues

Here are some of my personal favorites and disappointments:

After Earth - "womp, womp" is all I have to say about that. 

Oblivion - This movie was incredibly boring. They story line was not so great...Tom Cruise looked great, but that couldn't save the movie.

Pain & Gain - This is a dark comedy, what with all the drugs and murder (and it's based on a true story. You should google it, it's crazy). Mark Wahlberg, The Rock, and Anthony Mackie were just fantastic. I mean, they had me laughing from beginning to end. I saw this movie 4 times, and I'm unashamed to admit it.

Oz the Great and Powerful - James Franco...really did not wow me in this role. He just seemed...disingenuous the entire time. Like, the movie could not have been carried by his acting alone. In fact, it would have failed if it was just piggybacking off of Franco. But, luckily, the ladies (Rachel Weisz, Mila Kunis, and Michelle Williams) really make the movie fun to watch. But, don't go in expecting something amazing...because it wasn't. The colors were bright and beautiful to look at though.

Fast & Furious 6 - Yesssssss, I love fast cars. I really do. A guy friend told me I like "muscle cars" and maybe that's true because I was just on the edge of my seat with excitement and this movie delivered. I can't wait for the 7th one!

Man of Steel - All I have to say, is that Superman liiiiivvvves! Superman is the hero of childhood. And I will be watching every Superman film with Henry Cavill as the lead. I'm convinced that he is Superman (and soooo hot).

Anywho, I won't drone on and on, but I've enjoyed the movie scene so far. Looking forward to the summer time for more animated films. I love going to these by myself, buying gummy bears, and sitting on the edge of my seat, laughing out loud like a child. Don't judge me.

♥

21- Favorite movie genre/favorite movie from that genre?
I like action comedies and my favorite movie from that genre has to be Pirates of the Caribbean.

What I'm Wearing:

Dress - Target

Tights - Target

Shoes - Payless (Yes, seriously. For only like $20 too!)